Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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