He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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