some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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