With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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