U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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