so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
