she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize