I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
