my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she told me i tasted like america
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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