my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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