I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
