I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize