Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
being pregnant is like rehab
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
