Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
