when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
PANTIES FOUND
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