take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
