Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
