Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
