I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
