Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
