Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
