What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
