never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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