i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
