you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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