We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
