I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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