so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize