my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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