i think i have two assholes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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