omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
