he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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