Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
