It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I love you.
Bad choice
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
