i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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