i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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