that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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