Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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