At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
