wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
