I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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