it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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