oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
