my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
