yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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