I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize