College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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