No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dear god my vagina.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
