if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love having hate sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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