Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just had sex on a roof
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
