So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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