well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
