did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She announced her abortion via fbk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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