As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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