He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
