oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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