i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize