PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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