Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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