dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
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the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
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I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize