When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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