did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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