About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
