I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
