fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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