You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
