My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
