I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
