I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
