she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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