hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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