Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
