I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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