i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
