you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
